Building Toward the End

So there I am sitting in my book-lined office, my bare butt kissing the leather seat of my chair, the taste of cognac on my tongue, my cigar sending out aromatic clouds of scent while the waves of the ocean beat against the shore outside the open French windows. See what I did in that statement? That sentence contains all the senses. Your sex scenes should include all the five senses (unless you’re writing science fiction, then you can throw in a few more) plus that little extra connection your character has with the other character they’re having sex with called a spark, flash, glow or smoldering ember. Just remember, this is fantasy, a sexual fantasy. I didn’t describe reality which is me in clothes I just cleaned house in, sitting cross-legged in the floor in front of the laptop, all the fans running cause I’m trying to save on the electric bill by not turning on the air-conditioner, television running some program I’ve already seen but on to provide background noise, really old coffee in the cup and stale cigarette smoke being pushed around by the fans. See? Fantasy is better than reality.

In the last chapter (Tom, Dick and Hairy) I established place, nudity and named all the strategic people parts. Now, I’m ready to set them into motion. Positions are pretty standard and haven’t been improved upon in several years (unless it’s a group then you have to keep track of all those limbs) but be careful not to come out sounding like an instructional manual. Insert tab A into slot B is a turnoff. Slowly slipping his hard manhood into the wet, dark tunnel between her legs is hotter. But you still have to consider the laws of gravity and reach. I once had a lady straddling his thighs then penetration occurred. Unless he was really long, I got that one wrong. On the other hand, I had a scene where anal then vaginal sex took place and the editor was worried about a yeast infection. Come on, sexual fantasy taking place here.

Suck, lick, nibble, bite, flick, stroke, tease, tickle, rub, massage, kiss and in any other words you can think of … touch happening between bodies which can lead to rocking, tumbling (only if they’re young), easing, moving, rhythmic exertion, quaking, upheaval, trembling and the knocking over of furniture. Those actions produce moans, groans, screaming, cries, wails, yowls and sometimes applause. Don’t include instructions. They shouldn’t have to tell each other “a little lower” (unless it adds a comedy element) because in fantasies, they are the perfect lovers. If this is a romantic relationship instead of an erotic romp, about once a book, add a serious, needs support, turns to partner to connect sex scene. Also, interruptions (“I just figured out who the murder is.”) can help build up sexual tension (“Could we please finish what we’re doing before going out and apprehending the bad guy?”) but should be used sparingly.

And everything in the above paragraph results in orgasm, climax, peak, spasm, crest, contractions bringing on cum, flooding, sperm showers and ejaculation and the end. (Until you start writing the next chapter that is.)

Tom, Dick and Hairy

Speaking of body parts, what you call something matters and in erotic writing that can get very interesting. After my characters become acquainted (or not), they have sex. There is a sex scene happening in just about every chapter. Having published eight books (and still going), that’s a lot of sex, more than I … umm … never mind. That much sex will give you an excuse to go surfing the porn sites to see if anyone has come up with anything original since people starting having sex. Note: See the chapter ‘Procrastination Problems’ in this book. But even after seeing it or experiencing it (hopefully), you still have to describe it with words on the page (or computer screen), keep it exciting and try not to be repetitive.

First, decide on your location. Any ole place will do. (Here? Now?) Place your characters (as many as you want) into your scene. I won’t go into positions in this chapter. You’ll have to choose your own positions. Just make sure it’s something that personally turns you on. I can’t write foot fetishes because I just don’t get it but I’m really great at … oh, wait, I wasn’t going to cover positions yet. Just remember in fiction your characters can do things real authors of a certain age should not try to replicate. Aches and pains, heating pads and muscle rub are not sexy unless you’re in a nursing home which … wow … new location I’ve never thought of.

Now you have place, people, nudity and motion but you have to describe body parts. Sexual organs should be over-sized as in large penis and huge breasts (but not on the same character unless that’s something you’ve experienced and are qualified to write about). No reader wants to go through pages of build up to find something small when the zipper finally falls.

I prefer calling a dick a penis but that gets repetitive so you have to resort to manhood, organ (that you can play with), member (of the club), cock (crowing), joystick (oh yeah), knob (too confusing with hers), package (special delivery) or skin flute (musical tones). You’ll have to go searching on the Internet. There are lists of names for the penis but several of them are derogatory like prick and dork which don’t belong in a friendly sexual encounter. And no matter how hard I try, I cannot come up with a good noun for bag … sack … pouch … that contain the balls … the twins … marbles. Just so you know, the Internet list for testicle synonyms is longer than the one for penis synonyms. Who knew? My favorite is ‘boys in the basement’. Male nipples for some strange reason are hardly ever mentioned in erotica when I have it on good authority they’re just as sensitive as ours.

Female parts are harder to name. The lists are much shorter. I don’t understand why because the male and female model came out the same year. Maybe it’s because men have been talking about theirs longer than we have. ‘Boy in the boat’ and ‘hooded monk’ are just too male. I like knob, happy button (damn straight), jewel (which I deserve more of), clit (just an abbreviation but a faster type), pearl (that should be mounted in the jewel) or my all time favorite ‘sugar plum’. Breast are bosoms, busts and assets (no shit). I don’t like jugs, boobs, knockers and (this is really on the list) chesticles (who the hell came up with that one?). Tits will do in a squeeze.

Now that you have all the parts in play, next week I’ll talk about what actions you can take with them to evoke sounds.

Character Charades

Names are important to me. Note: Please refer to the chapter entitled ‘Numerous Names’ in this book. Our names define us and naming characters is something I take quite seriously. Sometimes a character will walk right up and introduce him/herself to me. “Hi there, glad to meet ya.” Those are the easy ones. It’s the ones I have to find names for that can set me to hours of searching baby-names-and-their-meanings websites. (It’s another great way of procrastinating too.) Note: Please refer to the chapter entitled ‘Procrastination Problems’ located in this book. As you can tell from my real name … oh wait … you don’t know my real name. As you can tell from some of my pseudonyms and characters (if you’ve read the books) I come from a long line of strange names and think everyone else should too.

What a name means is also important. (Several ex-boyfriends have run screaming into the night when I whip out the … baby name book.) Note: Please refer to the chapter entitled ‘Real Relationships’ located in this book and not in volume two … in hopes that there is a volume two. For example: John Colaw (in ‘Hunter of the Law’) means masculine lawman and he’s the chief of police.

Never name your character something you don’t like to type (or can’t spell). I wore the V button (and my finger) out on the laptop by the time I got through ‘The Adventures of V’. The female lead calls him V though the entire book and the sequel (if I ever get it finished), while everybody else calls him Marshal Verge. Trying to keep track of all those V’s through two hundred pages just about did me in.

In ‘Stealing Spirit’ everyone’s name except for the witches is a mishmash of all the people I work with. Apparently, none of them ever read the book because I never received any complaints (or compliments). I made the mistake of naming all four generations of witches ‘Bridget’ (a good old fashion pagan name) so I had to go back and give them each a type of tree as a middle name so readers (and I) could tell them apart.

Ex-boyfriends’ and ex-husbands’ names work well for victims or bad guys. When desperate and nothing is working, I have been known to open the phone book (that’s that big yellow thing they kill several forests with by printing it then dump it on your front porch where it gets rained on and you stick it on a shelf and never look at it again until the shelf sags from years of accumulated weight and I don’t even have a house phone) at a random page to find a first name or last name. Ah … don’t use the whole real name. Careful. This activity can lead to procrastination. Note: Please refer to the chapter titled ‘Procrastination Problems’ located in this book which counts as procrastination because your searching and reading instead of writing. (“What was his mother thinking naming him Richard? Now his name is Dick Comer.” or “Didn’t she realize her name would sound like a sexual position after she married him and took his last name? Now her name is Layla Bedstrom.”)

And just when you think you’ve master the talent of naming characters, just remember there are pets and towns and street names and body parts, but that is a whole different chapter.

Numerous Names

(Five … count em … Five Pennames)

“Why can’t you just write under your own name?” It’s one of the biggest complaints I get and my number one answer is, ah … there are explicit sex scenes in the stories and I don’t want some weirdo hunting me down. My real-legal-first-name is not your typical female first name and ditto, I don’t want some whacko finding out where I live. My real-legal-last-name is my ex-husband’s and I really don’t want him to get any of the credit when I finally hit the New York Times Bestseller List.

Then comes the next question and it’s always the same one. “I can understand not wanting to write under your real name but why can’t you just write under one penname?” One thing I hate as a reader is following an author through a series, then pick up their next book and it’s something completely different. But if you buy a J. D. Robb book you know it’s an Eve Dallas novel and not a Nora Roberts. An author’s name link with the character of their series is a good selling tool. I have several series thus several names. Another reason is two out of my three publishers are competitors in the same market and separate nom-de-plumes solved that problem before blood was shed. Also, each of my others has their own distinct personalities and writing styles.

“Such as?” I had never really considered this until a reporter asked what each of the girls would be like if she were interviewing them (instead of me which was confusing because … I am them … they are me … we all live in the same head and share a bathroom, a really tiny bathroom) and where did their names come from. It’s the best question a reporter has ever asked me.

Grace Thomas was born first. Grace was my father’s mother’s name. She is the professional writer of the bunch. She wouldn’t think of entering her book-lined office unless fully dressed in a power suit, hair done, made up and nails sharpened to sit at the mahogany desk in her faux leather chair drinking strong black French roast coffee. She brooks no nonsense from the other girls and can be a tad overbearing.

Teresa Thomas started life out as Mozella but a publisher thought that sounded too much like cheese and baptized her Teresa. (Which I hated because anytime I have been called from a waiting room, they have called me Teresa and that is not my name.) That’s all right. She lived through the trauma and came out a better person. She’s the dreamer who sits by the open window looking out over fields of flowers, dressed in gauzy flowing scarves sipping lemonade and writing spy novels from the twenties on a typewriter.

Mozella Thomas (not to be confused with cheese unless it’s Swiss with lots of holes in it) is named after my mother’s mother. Her main character has multiple personalities and amnesia so she has a lot of people and plot twists to keep up with and holes to fill in. Moze is normally found wandering around my apartment dressed in tattered jeans and cigarette-sparks-sprinkled holey sweatshirts, muttering to herself, trailing cigarette ashes, Post-it© Notes and empty coffee cups in her wake.

Tinker Thomas is the mean and bossy one. Tinker was my childhood nickname. Maybe she’s so mean because she doesn’t have a series but anything I write that won’t fit into one of the other story lines, falls to her to take care of and tinker with until it becomes a book. She’s also the cop and scheduler and hall monitor of the group so she dresses in a police uniform complete with badge, boots, belt, radio, gun, Taser, cell phone, nightstick and whip. (Hey … wait a minute. Whip? Maybe she’s started a side business I should check up on.)

And poor Paige Endover, the ugly step-sister. Her name came about when I was having fun (yeah right) with an editor. This editor kept sending the manuscript back to me over and over until even I couldn’t stand the sight of my own work, the sex scenes wouldn’t arouse a nymphomaniac and I didn’t care who-done-it as long as they hurried up and got it done. As I tried to keep my blood pressure down, wake my numb butt up from sitting in the chair for days and keep my emotions in check as she hacked up my book, I finally said, “Last time, last page, the end, over and done with. Hey, wait. That would make a great name.” Paige is sort of dark gothic from her troubled birth but a Pagan New Ager in her ways of handling the world. (And no, she is not the one responsible for the curse on a certain editor.) I felt so sorry for her, I gave her own PlotsbyPaige@blogspot.com page.

Occasionally, someone named Bobbi Snow sneaks out onto the page. But she writes ghost stories and we’ve never been properly introduced. She’s sort of buried in the cold, dark, unused portions of my brain and only bobs up every once in awhile.

(I just realized none of the ladies have middle names. I’ll have to work on that one.)

ThomasNovels, Mysteries with Fire. Thomas because that is my family name and no matter how many exes I have … and because I want to carry on the family name (right up there on the New York Times Bestseller List). Novels because … ah … they’re novels. Mysteries with Fire because there’s a lot of hot sizzling sex in there, don’t ya know.